mikemm03
Loquacious
Reged: 01/13/05
Posts: 3798
Loc: Tennessee
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Here's and oldie but a goodie,
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,
and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.
"Tarzan not know sex." he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said "Oh ...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
"Here,' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed,
"What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."
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Red Devil and Hornet
It's not speeding till you get pulled over.
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brindle
Loquacious
Reged: 08/02/09
Posts: 2505
Loc: Burton-on-Trent, England
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Might be old, but it's new to me 
Infact, I'm nicking it 
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Wherever I go, there is an unwanted presence
Too old to die young, too ugly to leave a good looking corpse
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brindle
Loquacious
Reged: 08/02/09
Posts: 2505
Loc: Burton-on-Trent, England
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A Tennessee couple, both real-live rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”. The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn’t want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
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Wherever I go, there is an unwanted presence
Too old to die young, too ugly to leave a good looking corpse
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Trumpeteer
Adjunct
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 323
Loc: Currently in Japan
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Tarzan no kick beaver for squirrel!!
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roadworthy
Old Hand
Reged: 08/29/07
Posts: 8913
Loc: St Louis MO
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Quote:
A Tennessee couple, both real-live rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”. The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn’t want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
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I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.
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Smokey3214
Learned Hand
Reged: 02/18/11
Posts: 1993
Loc: Western NC
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Quote:
Here's and oldie but a goodie,
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,
and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.
"Tarzan not know sex." he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said "Oh ...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
"Here,' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed,
"What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."
That explains a lot of my discomfort.
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Leithal
Learned Hand
Reged: 08/01/09
Posts: 1078
Loc: Meridianville, AL
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Quote:
Quote:
Here's and oldie but a goodie,
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,
and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.
"Tarzan not know sex." he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said "Oh ...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
"Here,' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed,
"What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."
That explains a lot of my discomfort.
So Chet you got a thing for trees or did you get kicked in your Va jay jay?
--------------------
"She had a West Coast strut that was sweet as molasses"
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MACMC
Loquacious
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 2528
Loc: Kansas City, Mo.
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Frog Story
A man takes the day off of work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the
second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron." The
man looks around and doesn't see anyone so he tries again. "Ribbit. 9
Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his
other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits a birdie. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog eh?"
The frog replies "Ribbit, lucky frog, lucky frog." The man decided to take
the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood." was the reply. The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole
in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of
the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the
frog, "Ok where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit Las Vegas".
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "Ok frog, now what?" The frog says,
"Ribbit Roulette". Upon approaching the roulette table the man asks," what
do you think I should bet?" The frog reply, "Ribbit, $3000 black 6." Now,
this is a million to one shot that this would win but after the golf game,
the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across
the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You
won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies,
"Ribbit, Kiss Me". He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him
he deserves it. All of a sudden the frog turns into the most gorgeous 16
year old girl in the world.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.
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bennybmn
Should be Riding
Reged: 01/11/05
Posts: 12693
Loc: Long Island, NY
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A kid is walking down the stree with a roll of duct tape and walks past old man Jones' house.
Old man Jones says "What are ya doin with that duct tape?"
"I'm goin to catch me some ducks!"
"that's not how ya do it..."
"We'll see..."
A couple hours later, the kid walks back with a half dozen ducks tangled up in the tape, the old man's jaw dropped.
The next day he walks by old man Jones again with a roll of chicken wire.
"Where ya goin with that chicken wire?"
"Gonna catch me some chickens."
"Uh, that's now how it's done, son."
"We'll see..." said the little kid.
A few hours later, sure enough he walks by with a bunch of chickens, the old man scratching his head.
The next day, the kid walks by with a stick.
"Where ya goin with that stick?"
"It's not a stick, it's pussywillow"
"Hang on, I'll grab my hat."
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Benny
Black & Silver '02
Too many mods to list
Not enough miles ridden
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edmspeedmaster
Learned Hand
Reged: 07/11/11
Posts: 1294
Loc: Alberta, Canada
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OK i will bite.
An asian couple is about to get married, she is very nervous and has never been with a man before, the husband to be has also never been with a women before but he does not want her to know about this so he goes about as though he has allot of experieince and stuff. After the wedding they retire to their honeymoon suite, they are both very quick, the lady slips into bed and he turns off the lights and slips in beside her. My darling he says, i luv you and i want to make you happy, tell me, what would you like me to do, anything at all, as though he has some experieince, finally she looks over at hime and in a quite voice says, well my husband i have heard other ladies talking about something i think i would like to try, anything he says, ok i want to try 69 she replies. The husband is quite and gives a bit of a pause before his response and then says, ok my wife but why you want spicey chicken with eggrolls now?
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2007 Speedmaster and lovin it!
In Memory of "Friar John" 1967-2012 RIP
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